Hanoi instantly felt a little older and less westernised than Ho Chi Minh although in the Old Quarter there were lots of tourists milling around.

As we went for a stroll we suddenly found ourselves in streets that seemed to be restricted to one type of product only. Within a twenty metre stretch I saw nine shops all selling door handles and locks, then, just beyond those were four shops selling cuddly toys all next to each other. Given there was no apparent difference in the products I have no idea how customers choose.

Anyway, you might be wondering about the “holy eels” teaser, so here it is. After the Komodo Island boat trip and three nights of sleeping on top of a hot noisy diesel engine, Pip wanted some luxury for our next boat adventure, which was going to be 3 days and 2 nights in Ha Long Bay. So, she booked a terrace room on a very nice boat for way more money than anything else we have done.

Enter the power of the Lombok holy eels!!

In Da Nang we suddenly heard that we had been moved to the bigger, newer boat in their fleet and upgraded to a beautiful suite. After checking it was a complimentary upgrade (as the cost was over double what we paid) we sat back and praised the “holy eels”. Buying those hard boiled eggs now looks like money well spent!!

Turns out the original boat had an urgent maintenance issue and the new boat also had an existing booking for a party of 60 Koreans on the second night which we think is why we were upgraded, but either way happy days!!

The crew were fabulous, Teddy the Cruise Manager had assembled a great team. If you ever find yourself in Ha Long Bay we thoroughly recommend the Lyra Grandeur.

Special shout out to Harry and his “orange cucumber” and “dragon eggs” and for taking us on a personalised tour. Make sure you do that Ho Chi Minh trip Harry!

Also to Alex and the fantastic passionfruit mousse he made, even getting up early to make two extra ones for us on our final day. The next winner of Bake Off: The Professionals if they film a Vietnam series?

On the second night we were offered a private dining experience upstairs as it was getting pretty loud in the restaurant as the 60 Korean guests started tucking into dinner and beer. They laid a table in an upstairs lounge and we got to feel like  “ballers”. Maybe this is what life is like for Elon Musk and why his “quirkiness” developed unchecked.

The only sad thing was watching the crew work so hard to please the Korean guests but then not seeing anything land in the tip box as tipping is not part of Korean culture.

Ha Long Bay area has nearly 2,000 limestone karsts rising out of the water in various shapes so you only need to travel a few metres and the view instantly changes. The main bay is full of boats as most of the day trips and single night trips stay there so if you plan to visit we recommend a boat that focuses on Lan Ha Bay.

Pip couldn’t get enough of looking at the islands so we stayed in the area for a few more nights. The government has gone all out to create a purpose built resort area in Bai Chay and there is loads of building going on, despite there being hundreds of apartments and shops that all remain empty. It was like walking through a ghost town in some areas and would probably generate more money if used as a movie set. Seems like they are using the Field of Dreams philosophy: “If you build it, they will come” but I am not convinced.

Fat / size shaming….multiple methods used on me

The lack of people did mean we had a fun afternoon at a waterpark with no queues although that lack of queues was partly because I couldn’t get on many rides.

The park has been open 10 years but it seems it was built without expecting any Westerners visitors as beside every ride entrance is a set of bathroom scales I had to stand on before being told I could not enter….hence, I stood around a lot holding Pip’s flip flops. I even got weighed before a 2 person ride with a combined weight limit, only me, not Pip!!!

It is not just water parks, street food restaurants have stools and table so low I look like Gulliver sitting down.

I have found myself being “double stooled” in some places which sounds like something to do with constipation but is actually the waiter not trusting that one stool could handle me.

Not just stools but chairs too!!!

Last stop in Vietnam is back in Hanoi for a few days.